Omne vivum ex ovo...All life comes from an egg

We all survived and thrived on Easter this year which marked the anniversary of a very sad day. I can't believe three years have past since I last saw my father. With each passing day, I miss him more. My grief does shift and change, though. I no longer sob like my heart just got ripped out of my chest. But I still cry for him out of the blue. Sometimes I just long to hear his voice. I wish I could hear him tell one of his bad jokes. I wish I could see him smile. I wish he could give me advice. I wish I could see him speed into the driveway in his Cadillac. And I miss hearing music being played at his house.

Having the anniversary fall on Easter this year made me ponder death and life in a more spiritual way than usual. We had just celebrated the most sacred holiday in church that morning and Fischer was an acolyte for the first time. All the children brought flowers into the sanctuary and during the children's sermon, they all stepped forward and placed flowers in a giant cross. Even Nicholas participated, carrying long stems of orange lilies. A retired doctor gave his first children's sermon and there were certain things about his mannerisms that reminded me of Daddy. He told the stories about the pine tree and the dogwood and passed around samples. It seemed like the kind of sermon Daddy would like to share.

Easter is my favorite holiday. It is my favorite day period. I freely admit I have a real thing for Easter egg hunts. My sisters and I amused ourselves by hiding plastic eggs inside the house for each other all year long. When it rained, or when we were bored, we had Easter egg hunts. Mama never filled the eggs and it wasn't until I was an adult and Jolie was going on her first Easter egg hunt that I realized you could put candy inside of them. It was a whole new ball game. A revelation. I don't think we ever had egg hunts at school or church when I was little. So I never knew. Perhaps I am just one slow girl. But from that point on, I made sure I put candy in each one when I hid them for Jolie all year long, on days when it was rainy or when we were bored. The Easter Bunny can do his thing filling the basket, but the egg job is mine.

After church, we drove to Mama's house and had lunch. My sisters and their families were there too. We all swam in the pool afterwards but I was being dumb and doing a flip under water when I messed up the tube in my ear and got really disoriented. When my husband and my brother-in-law ushered me out as I was in extreme pain and panic and laid down to get the water out of what felt like my brain, I got stung by a freakin' bee. I went inside and took some Benedryl, and then snuck out the front door while no one was watching and hid six baskets full of eggs for my children, my niece, and my nephew. Come hell or high water, we were going to have an Easter egg hunt.

Eggs have been a symbol of new life for eons. Eggs are part of my roots. See the picture up there of my Daddy as a baby playing at my great grandfather's chicken hatchery?

"Just as the chick breaks out of an egg, so had Jesus broken free of the tomb of death. Easter eggs remind us that Jesus conquered death and gives us eternal life.” --www.homeschoolshare.com/legend_of_the_easter_egg.php"

"From earliest times, and in most cultures, the egg signified birth and resurrection. The Egyptians buried eggs in their tombs. The Greeks placed eggs atop graves. The Romans coined a proverb: Omne vivum ex ovo, "All life comes from an egg." And legend has it that Simon of Cyrene, who helped carry Christ’s cross to Calvary, was by trade an egg merchant. (Upon returning from the crucifixion to his produce farm, he allegedly discovered that all his hens’ eggs had miraculously turned a rainbow of colors; substantive evidence for this legend is weak.) Thus, when the Church started to celebrate the Resurrection, in the second century, it did not have to search far for a popular and easily recognizable symbol." --www.ideafinder.com/guest/calendar/easter.htm

Who wants to remember the anniversary of the death of a loved one? Birthdays, maybe, but the day they died would be better to forget. At least that's what I thought. But now I have seen the light. The perfect way to remember Daddy was having that Easter egg hunt. Watching his grandchildren frolick around the yard finding brightly colored plastic eggs was precious to my eyes. Let the eggs symbolize birth and rebirth. Celebrate that Jesus prepared the way for us to be together again someday. This promise is the only balm for our sorrows.

Peace be with you.

Addiction is a Family Disease

For me, the following was one of the most heartbreaking letters I have ever received. As a mother, my heart bleeds for this woman and her daughter. This column was published a few weeks ago.

Dear Lula Belle,
My youngest daughter is in her early twenties and has been on and off drugs for about six years. I have sent her to two rehabs. Things always seem better at first but then she ends up back on drugs and in bad relationships. A few months ago, it seemed she was growing up and becoming responsible. My husband and I decided to let her move back in with us but everything started falling apart on Christmas Eve.

She tried to take her life by overdosing on pills. We called 911 and she was taken to the hospital. On the way there, I found a crack pipe in her purse. I have already lost one child. He passed away from a medical condition in 1999. He was seven years old. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t miss him. Facing losing another child is just too much for me.

My daughter went back into treatment, this time intensive outpatient treatment. She went to meetings the first three days just fine but refused to go the fourth day. We discovered she had been stealing money. She threw a major temper tantrum. My husband did some tough love and told my daughter she must move out.

She called me the next day and asked me to drive her to treatment thinking if she went, we would let her move back home. However, my husband said no. My daughter has decided to quit treatment all together and says we are ruining her life. She said that she has no friends and no place to stay. She said I would be burying another child in the near future.

This is putting a lot of stress on my marriage. My husband is afraid I will blame him if something bad happens. We both love my daughter and would love to open our home to her but we’ve done that before and it didn’t work.

My heart is broken. I can’t sleep. I pray she finds her way. We cannot continue to be enablers, but it hurts so badly. Are we doing the right thing? If she takes her life or overdoses, I don’t know if I can forgive myself for kicking her out. --Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken,
Addiction is a disease and it is very resistant to treatment. Most folks do not get clean and sober their first try. I take my hat off to all recovering addicts who stay clean one day at a time by: constantly working a twelve step program, going to meetings regularly, staying in touch with their sponsor every day, and working a spiritual program in their hearts every moment. It takes complete vigilance. The compulsion to use drugs in an addict never shuts off. This is why there is no cure, only treatment which takes tremendous effort and work.

“Enabling” an addict means family members or friends make using drugs “easy” for the addict by helping the addict in some way. Sometimes we enable addicts by letting them stay in our house or by giving them money. Addicts are manipulative and they will use threats or tug on our emotions to get their way. The compulsion to use drugs is stronger than we can imagine and they will do anything to get what they “need” to feed their addiction. Just as if we were thirsty and were about to die of dehydration, we would do anything for some water. We might beg, steal, lie, or threaten violence to get water. Sometimes the addict’s threats (suicide) are so terrible and frightening that it seems necessary to give in.

Most addicts have to “hit the bottom” before they are desperate enough to seek help and get serious about working a program. They sometimes have to face the fact they will die if they don’t change. It is rare for the addict to be desperate for help while living on easy street.

The sad thing is that sometimes rock bottom is at the bottom of a grave. Addiction is a fatal disease and without help, it will eventually kill your daughter. Not being able to save her is breaking your heart and I know if there was a way you could rescue her, you would. But she must save herself with the help of a higher power and support from other recovering addicts. It is the only way. No amount of your concern and love will save her. This is going to sound harsh, but if your daughter is going to take her life or throw it down the toilet, she will do it whether she is living at home or on the street. She is an adult.

What your daughter is going through is not your fault and you cannot change it. But you can change yourself. Addiction is a family disease. You and your family must take care of yourselves or you will fall apart. I am sure the treatment center has a program for family members. Get help now. Go to Al-anon meetings regularly.

I grew up in a family affected by addiction and know the disease first hand. I often believe my father wouldn’t have been half the man he was had he not suffered from addiction. It allowed him the opportunity to experience recovery and have a spiritual awakening which blessed the lives of all who knew him in precious ways too enormous to write on this page. There is hope.

If you are broken hearted like this mother, please visit http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ or call 1-888-4AL-ANON for more information.

Need Advice? Ask Lula Belle by sending your questions to: asklulabelle@windstream.net

***Because I had such sympathy for the mother, I was shocked beyond belief when the very day the newspaper column came out, I received the following letter in my in box. It was published the next week. ***

Dear Lula Belle,
Your article about the drug addict was all wrong. The young lady shouldn’t have done drugs in the first place. Families like hers is the reason our society is falling apart. If she takes her life she will go to hell. Her mother obviously wasn’t a good mother. And if I were you, I wouldn’t have told the world your dad was a drug addict. What does that say about you? –Concerned Citizen

Dear Concerned,
I will tell you what it says about me. It says I am not ashamed of who I am or where I came from. It says I admire people who can turn their stumbling blocks into stepping stones. It says there is hope for all of us who face challenges.

I stand behind what I said in the “Addiction is a Family Disease” column. Unfortunately, so many people have such little understanding of the disease and therefore pass harsh judgments on those who struggle with addiction. I cannot help those who are close minded but I will say, those without an open mind should keep their mouth shut.

Christmas column 2010

Christmas is for those who are grieving

Dear Lula Belle,

Christmas is putting too much pressure on me. I don’t have the energy or the desire to celebrate the holidays at all. I lost my husband back in the spring. This is my first Christmas without him. My children live far away and I have chosen not to travel. I fear I would bring everyone down. I did not put up a tree. I have not sent out cards. I have only bought gifts for my children and grandchildren and I mailed those out a month ago. Everyone keeps telling me I am making a mistake to skip Christmas. I don’t think so. I am afraid friends and family are going to show up and force me to celebrate. I am fairly certain my family has been making plans to “kidnap”
me. If they do this, should I lock the doors? How should I make them understand I need this time to myself? –Too sad to celebrate

Dear Sad,

Bless your heart. Christmas is hard for many people for many reasons. It feels like a slap in the face to see others smiling like they don’t have a care in the world. And maybe they don’t now, but all of us will eventually face a sad holiday when we are so grief- stricken, we don’t have the energy to put up a tree. It is true.

I believe Christmas is for YOU exactly where you are in your life right now. Christmas is not for those who think they have it made and life is so wonderful and easy. Christmas is for those who are suffering. It is for the ones who are mourning their loved ones. It is for those who have dysfunctional families. It is for those who are stricken with illness and are uncertain if this will be their last Christmas on earth. It is for those who have lost their jobs. It is for those who know great and terrible sorrows. Because this is why there is Christmas in the first place. No matter what it may look like at Wal-mart or on T.V., Christmas is a promise of eternal life, peace, and healing.

When you see candy canes, those are for you. They symbolize the shepherds in the field who were the first to hear the good news of the Savior’s birth. God could have chosen to send the heavenly messengers to visit more “important” people but He chose just regular folks like you and me.

When you see wreaths hanging on doors, those are for you. They symbolize eternal life. The Savior came so that your husband is not gone forever. You will be with him again someday.

When you see candles and Christmas lights on trees, those are for you. They represent the light of Christ whose love for us will light the way even when our world has become dark and lonely.

When you see gifts, those are for you. They symbolize the True Christmas Gift from our Heavenly Father: His Son whom He gave to the world because He loved us.

When you see bows on packages and on wreaths, these are for you. They symbolize the binds of brotherly love and the ties we have to our family and friends. These remind us to let people in and not lock them out. They remind us we are all brothers and sisters in God’s eyes and we need to forgive others unconditionally and show our love to everyone, even our enemies.

When you see stars or angels on top of a Christmas tree, they are for you. They represent the First Christmas and remind us of the Bethlehem star which led the way and the Angels who shared the good news. It may not seem like it when you are sad, but there is a Way to unbelievable goodness and joy.

When you hear jingle bells ringing, these are for you. They symbolize the lost sheep and remind us that even when we feel lost, the Good Shepherd will bring us back to the flock.

And finally, when you see the colors red and green, those are for you. They represent the blood which was shed for us to bring us eternal life. This means the True Christmas Gift has prepared a way for us to always be together. And since you are missing your husband so much and I know you have a broken heart, I can think of no better day to rejoice than on Christmas morning.

So, don’t worry about having your house decked out to the nines. Don’t worry if you cry through the entire day. Just please let your loved ones in. Always remember the gifts Jesus has for you on Christmas Day and every day.

Merry Christmas to all my readers! May your holiday be blessed with all the joys that money cannot buy.

Need Advice? Ask Lula Belle by sending your questions to: asklulabelle@windstream.net

Christmas 2010

Here are a few photographs of Christmas decorations from my house and of Christmas day at my mother's house with my family. I enjoy all the symbolism and meaning of each decoration. I feel like my entire house is dressed up to celebrate the birth of Christ. I start putting things up the day after Thanksgiving and sadly take it all down on the Epiphany which is Jan. 6, the 12th and last day of Christmas. Sometimes I wish I could leave it up all year long, but I guess it wouldn't be as special.